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Are You Stressed By Stress?

Stress is bad for our blood pressure, cholesterol and heart. It causes eczema, migraines and ulcers. The only good thing about stress is knowing there's nothing good about it - unless you're a pharmaceutical company.

Pharmaceutical companies make millions selling us tranquilizers and other anti-anxiety medications. They profit from our frenzied physical conditions - unless we find a natural remedy.

I've tried deep breathing exercises, but I take in too much oxygen and get light-headed. Of course, that isn't all bad. While I'm feeling dizzy, I forget about feeling stressed - but the world has enough dizzy blonds.

I've also tried to relieve tension by walking on the beach. The rhythm of breaking waves is meant to have a calming effect and it does - as long as I stay on the beach.

I take my dog with me on my beach walks. Unfortunately, they make waves with his routine; and my dog has made it canine clear that one beach walk a day is enough. Zachary's routine consists of eating and sleeping. Obviously, leading a dog's life isn't that stressful.

Petting dogs, looking at a tank of tropical fish and sitting in a light blue room are meant to reduce pressure; but breaking pencils works better for me. At least it gives me a sense of accomplishment.

Holding your ring fingers and thumbs lightly together is meant to give you a sense of relief. So is slowly inhaling through slightly parted lips. Hot milk, warm toddies - I've tried them all.

I've also tried telling myself I work better when I'm pressured - that I'm more focused, motivated and goal oriented - but I'm not. In fact, I think people who think that way are actually procrastinators. The world doesn't need more time-pressured procrastinators. We've got enough politicians.

For me avoidance works best. I avoid unexpected news by not answering the phone, opening bills or doing anything else that would cause my blood pressure to be higher than my spirits.

My grandmother's solution for the unexpected was to expect it. She said that seeing how we handle the unexpected is God's way of seeing if we're paying attention.

Easy for my grandmother to say. She didn't believe in stress. She believed things like politics and in-laws upset us only if we let them. Her advice was to take action and fix whatever's causing the problem. If it can't be fixed, take a nap.

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KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com

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