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Is This Another Fish Story?

Sushi is so popular in Southern California the local bar is likely a sushi bar. However, the farther sushi is from the ocean, the less popular it is.

If you think sushi belongs in an aquarium, concentrate on the rice - not the raw fish - when you try it.

Without the rice it's called sashimi. Don't try sashimi unless you convince yourself it's what Japanese eat to stay thin.

Basically, sushi is a combination of protein and carbohydrate. If your mother told you a meal had to include a vegetable, order cucumber roll.

If you want a taste of LA, order California roll. Not only is the crab cooked, it's rolled with avocado.

A roll is cut in six pieces. Four rolls would be enough for dinner. Do not save room expecting a Tootsie Roll for dessert.

The harmless looking dab of green paste on the plate is wasabi. It's not harmless - it's horseradish. Wasabi can kick the ass of kick-ass chili.

The little, beige mound next to the wasabi is pickled ginger. The coolness of ginger is meant to balance the heat of wasabi. If putting cold water on a burn works for you, maybe this will too.

Little dishes of soy sauce accompany the sushi. Soy sauce is liquid salt.

Because sushi is an acquired taste, start with mild fish, like tuna and sea bass. Because my husband is an advanced sushi eater, he eats eel, sea urchin and fried shrimp heads. I'm not advanced. I look at the sushi chefs when John eats those things.

Sushi chefs are performers with sharp knives. They want you to eat what they make immediately. Some think it's because they want you to eat sushi at its freshest.

I think it's because they want you to forget how much sushi you've eaten and order more. I think sushi chefs are salesmen - who perform with sharp knives.

If you want to be a sushi waiter - not the kind with a tray - the kind who waits for all the sushi to be served before eating, you might have to remind the chef of an old Japanese proverb. "The customer is always right - except when using chopsticks".

Rubbing two sticks together to make fire can be easier than using chopsticks. If you lose control of a piece of sushi, casually stuff the whole thing in your mouth - and that's saying a mouthful!

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KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com

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