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World Travel Without A Suitcase?

I was flipping through the pages of a travel magazine when I self-diagnosed my symptoms of lethargy. I hungered for travel.

My husband ended my hunger by taking me to Greece. Hold on. Before you vote him husband of the decade, you should know he took me to Greece via a Greek restaurant.

I had black olives, feta cheese, stuffed grape leaves, baklava and - indigestion. France was another country I couldn't tour with my taste buds without Speedy Alka Seltzer as my guide.

French food could be too rich. Chinese food could have too much MSG. Indian food could be too spicy. Mexican food could be too starchy. I sounded like the Goldilocks of gastronomy.

I knew I was in trouble when food on planes started to taste good. Plane food is plain food. Drastic dietary action was necessary - we went to a health food restaurant!

In addition to culinary creations using various grains, legumes, nuts and vegetables, the menu had a wine list. It was like a sign from God. We could toast my health with a glass of California pinot grigio.

Being digestively challenged occasionally interfered with my trying new things, which was fine with my meat-and-potatoes sons. They thought they were daring when they ate hamburgers without ketchup.

My husband and I, however, will try anything once. Once was enough for squid cooked in its own ink. No, we weren't dining at Sea World; and no, it didn't taste like chicken. It was one of those dishes that might have tasted better if it hadn't looked like what it was.

Japanese food is very popular. If raw fish on rice had been popular when I was a newlywed, I would have been a much better cook. I would have been a much better cook if Cajun food had been popular because I unintentionally blackend just about everything.

Back then I could cook pizza if smothering defrosted pizza dough with canned tomato sauce and topping it with packaged, pre-sliced pepperoni and pre-shredded mozzarella qualified as cooking.

Thankfully for my husband, my cooking skills have sharpened. I occasionally wear a band-aide on my left, index finger as proof.

Although now I can cook a variety of ethnic dishes, American cuisine is my specialty. Experts describe American cuisine as fresh ingredients simply prepared and accompanied by native wine. I describe it as Lean Cuisine, a glass of Gallo and a Tums.

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KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com

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